And its all i've wanted for once lol,i had a huge migraine on Wednesday and i always feel ill for a couple of days after that and just about everyone i know has some kind of bug so im just not up to doing a lot,besides the crap weather continues!

Was halloween last night,i decided not to bother with a party because the kids had already had invites to other peoples anyway and i feel shite so i stocked up on sweets for the trick or treaters and spent the whole evening at home doing 'quiet' things....am i getting old? am i in danger of dying of boredom when really i would rather die of exhaustion? no im just a normal mum who doesnt feel great at the moment.

Bought pinks new album yesterday,absolutely brilliant! I soooo want to go and see her next year but tickets go on sale in 3 days and i have my sons birthday next weekend so i wont have the money and they are going to sell out,its just really bad timing.

Still have the Shar concert but i would cheerfully swap the tickets and put them towards pink if i could,i cant  though because they wont transfer them so thats that im stuck with Sharleen which im not saying isnt a good thing but i know where id rather go.

At least i know with sharleen i will get a good view though,pink is a queuing event and for shar i have a seat that is fixed so no rushing to get to the front and failing!

Right am off to do sod all again all evening and wait for my body to stop aching!

What a day! yesterday i was really ill and spent most of the day in bed and Jason looked after the house and kids,great eh?

No it bloody wasnt! i got up to find the kitchen looking like a bomb had hit it,he had cooked but hadnt bothered to clean up after and i mean to the point of leaving empty packets on the side and dirty pans everywhere,it was just disgusting and theres no excuse for it because its not like he is some feeble excuse of a man who isnt actually capable-he spent a long time at home when i worked so he is more than capable of doing things i think he just did it to piss me off to be honest!

He also managed to dye two very nice items of Ashleys clothing purple! He can use a washing machine perfectly well but yesterday he must have been on a mission or something,despite ruining those things he later bought himself a new xbox game and didnt bother replacing Ashleys clothes which cost me £24 to replace today and then had the cheek to 'borrow' £5 to help with his xbox game from MY money-god i fucking hate him sometimes!

He has been a really good father over the years,crap husband he was but he has always been a good dad yet he seems hellbent on turning into a teenager again.

I have been more than helpful to him but he takes the piss now and im sick of it,he needs to get his prorities right because they are way too messed up at the moment,when you are young and have no children you can think of yourself all you like but once you decide to become a parent you put them first and yourself second!

I'm ill again,that might explain my recent bad moods and gives me another reason to hate winter more than i do already!

I just woke up this morning feeling like someone had taken a hammer to my head and like i had swallowed glass-nice! Still i do feel a bit better already,everyone is ill atm!

Today was Bethany's open evening,it went really well and she is way ahead of the national average for a 7 year old which is excellent news because she changed schools recently and  was worried if she would be ok,i know shes sociable but i also know she can be a bit hyper and talk too much but apparantly she is having no problems and is doing briliantly so thats two good meetings in two days,no more until after christmas now.

The others tease bethany playfuly and say she cant have a brain because she has looks so she is very smug tonight lol,i personally think all of my children are gorgeous because mums all think that about their own but Bethany i must admit must have been first in like when they handed out looks,she is just the most amazingly beautiful little girl and i dread to think of the boys i will be chasing away when shes older!!!

My own father dutifully despaired of me when i was younger,he would often say 'what on earth have you brought home this time?' in that kind of way only a father can,he was ok though and never made life difficult,i think he found it secretly amusing when a guy from the local restuarant turned up in a big flash merc and asked if he could take me down and cook for me-i was mortified lol.

I also think he was secretly relieved when i became less interested in older guys who were out to impress and wanted to spend time with the ones i had things in common with and just enjoyed being around,i had loads of male friends already and started to realise that a few of them were a lot more fun to be around than the flashy git types.

I hope my own girls grow up with that attitude,i want them to have a lot of fun but with the right kind of person,no man has ever made me happy with his wallet but plenty have with their respect,honesty and genuine attention and affection.

And me? im just naturally affectionate towards my male friends and adore them,i can imagine it must be hard to tell sometimes when i am just being nice or when im actually interested but in my opinion asking never hurt anyone lol.

Right enough ramblings for one night i think!

Had an utterly crap night last night,didnt get to sleep until 3am and when i did i had horrible dreams that my mum had dementia and her house was in an awful state and i was trying to clean it up for her....my mother's house is immaculate,not a fleck of dust anywhere and it felt so real.

Then i had a dream i was on Brighton pier and it was collapsing but i was the only one who was stuck and i had to climb up it to get off where it was sort of slanting,that one wasnt so bad because its what i call a bullshit dream but it wasnt totally pleasent either lol.

Anyway i was glad to get out this morning,its freezing cold here now everyday and im missing summer a lot although it gives me a chance to think about spending money on christmas instead of so many days out-sod it i prefer nicer weather and days out i think! i used to love winter but i dont so much now.

Went to open evening at Jessica's school this evening which was great but i expected it to be because i know shes doing well.

Just put some lasagne in the oven and then im going for a soak in the bath.....i have pictures too,first one is Brighton dome where i am going to see Sharleen Spiteri next february,its not a fab pic because i was in a car and took it on my phone as i passed,also have no idea who the guy is in it but it keeps me excited!

And one of the pier that will obviously NOT collapse next time i am on it!

I'm sure i have better ones but i have literally thousands of photos and it would take me all night to look.

I'm in a piccie mood now....im going to add more!

That is me as a baby with my dad :))) he died 6 years ago and i love this picture :)

That is Jason with our youngest daughter Ashley at a visit to Drusillas in the summer...too many pics to include all the kids and i dont like sharing pics of the older ones so openly on the internet but Ashley is young and will change a lot ,nice memory photo for her in years to come just like the one i have with my own dad :)

Right thats it for now,lasagne smells cooked :)

It must be officially national dopey bastards day  today! They were all out!I'm not a huge fan of mcdonalds but they are currently doing some rather nice potato dippers so about lunchtime because i hadnt eaten i decided to pop into the drive thru where i paid for my food and then asked for some ketchup only to be told they were not allowed to give it out with that type of order,fuck off you have done before so i told them i would have my money back and hey presto i got ketchup!!

Anyway they put about a ton of salt on them so they ended up in the bin so they think its cool to fuck my kids arteries up but not to allow ketchup .....and then there  was my doctor who asked me to pick a prescription up at 3pm then when i got there changed his mind to 5pm so i take it to the pharmacy who say 'oh we dont have that one but you can have a different one and wait until that one comes in' i mean wtf????

No i need that one! so an hour later they 'found' it .....dear god is it that hard!!!

The kids are evidently having a 'we are lazy' day too,i went to wash up and said please answer the phone if it rings im expecting a call,im up to my elbows in washing up,the phone rings and do they answer it? no-they argue over who should get it!

Ashley Summer was not lazy however,she was trying to climb up everything she isnt allowed to and managed to turn the tv over,turn it up load and start a decorating project with my mascara before waiting for me to turn my back again for 5 seconds so she could climb up,sit at the pc and try the keyboard-that kid is great,18 month old genius,i can never feel stressed by her-she is everything a toddler is supposed to be,i tell her no of course (my kids will happily confirm i am super strict witch of a mother ;)) but i have to stop myself laughing.

Its been one of those days,i am worn out,tearful,i feel like crap and i am stressed and i dont think the time of year is helping,its dark at 6.30pm now and all summer i would come home for dinner then maybe we would go out again but now evenings are stuck indoors.

I am seriously thinking about going clubbing one weekend,i hate nightclubs actually but i cant sit here dying of boredom every night and one night a week wont hurt,i am so bloody bored i need some fun and yes saturday was great but i did have the kids with me and some 'me' time would be nice,some of my friends who are mums feel guilty about that,i dont!! im a slave to my cause and refuse to feel guilty about leaving my kids with their own father whilst i have a bit of fun,im only 31!