Feeling once again like an odd sheep.  So here I am. Today is 31th August Monday  at 7:30pm. I’m in a table of the square of my faculty. I’m alone and that’s not so bad coz I can write this.  I started feeling once again like a totally stranger even if I have spent more than 4 years between this walls. I don’t like it. Without my friends I’m completely alone and I don’t like this feeling. I wanna leave this shit. I’ve never liked this University, something must be wrong with me. I just don’t have that feeling of “I belong to this faculty”.

To be honest, I feel I belong to nowhere. I’m a stranger everywhere. I still dont have such a feeling of "I belong here" I dont have roots. I could go anywhere. Most of the time I have thought things would get better if I go away but I’m started to fear nothing will change and the same devils will follow me no matter where I go.  I think I wanted to use my ex boyfriend in order to escape of my reality.

Anyway, My friend arrived but she was talking to her friends. I feel so alone. My friend Jags says I’m a loner, and yes I enjoy being by myself but I don’t wanna be alone all the time. I wanna feel love and accepted.

Today I saw a guy in the subway, he was looking at me and I was looking at him. WE didn’t talk to each other. I got shy and turned around.  What a pity! He was gorgeous. In another world  I’d had talked to him maybe by asking: -Hi, do I know you?. He:- No.  Me.- Well, I’m Samantha and you? He:  I’m ______. Me:- So, we know each other now xD.

Well, I just can read I didn’t do that. I’m such an idiot. In another world I’d go every Wednesday to eat Russki food, meet and talk to the gorgeous Russian waiter. Unfortunately I live on planet Earth and I’m a coward.

Come on Samantha I tell to myself. “You won’t find new lands until you stop being scared of not seeing the shore”. I know I should get out of the fog but I don’t dare. I’m in my comfort area. I must move.