Hey, it's me, Girl on the Clouds. My sister, Amanda, her boyfriend, Cory, and their daughter, Abby, just left. We had a barbeque tonight. Matt (my step-father) was an idiot. As usual. Abby rode the four wheeler that her mom and dad got her for her first birthday. She can ride it without anybody having to be near her. I think she's so adorable. She's so smart too. She's only a year. Tonight was ok. I love my sister to death. I used to hate her. But we're so much a like. My sister and I. She's an amazing person. If it weren't for Abigail, she wouldn't even be here right now. She'd be off in Georgia or something. She'd be where Uncle Wes is. She's tired of her life. I remember when my mom and Matt fought. She told me she'd always pull me into her closet and cover my ears. I was so young then. She was such a trouble maker. She hung out with the 'bad' crowd. She went out drinking and smoking. I remember she told me she was hanging out with her friends one night and the town cop came over and asked, "You been smokin your dobies?" So they'd reply, "Yeah, we're smokin our dobies." I just wish I could take away her pain. I wrote a poem about my sister one night. Me and her were talking. She wanted advice on what I do when I'm upset. The conversation ended out where she was the queen and I'm The Great Renee. I can't stand Matt. I really wish he would just get out of my life. Sometimes I want to move in with my real dad... I would be gone already, if it weren't for her and Abby. And sometimes Mom. But I just don't know anymore. I just want to be in England. I'd rather be anywhere but here, yet I can't see myself anywhere else. Indiana just doesn't seem like the place for me. I'm a country girl. Yet, I'd love to be in the city. I'd love to go to clubs and dance and get drunk with friends. Wait, what friends... I forgot. I've pretty much lost my friends. I barely talk to anybody anymore. The person who calls herself my best friend doesn't even talk to me. I'm just tired of it all. I want to be with Simon. But I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. I mean, at first, he was my best friend. I could tell him anything. Then, I started to get a crush on him. I talked to him all the time. We've only known each other for three months now. We met each other three months ago, today. But then our feelings became more. And he told me that I'm the only one for him. I'm scared I'm going to break his heart. Hell, I've already broken more than enough hearts in my lifetime... I just wish Simon lived near me or something. Or I lived in England near him. Well, I guess I'm just going to go for now. I'm probably just going to read before I go to bed or something. *total bookworm* Night.