I didn't want to wake up today. Like every morning, I just wish I can sleep forever. I woke up today earlier than I normally do. Today seems kind of slow for me. And the day is only half over. I was even up early enough for coffee. I was amazed. I love the coffee my mom makes. My thoughts were so tangled up this morning. While talking to Simon I nearly had a break down telling him how I felt. About my life, about me and him. He just got so quiet. I couldn't take it. I had talked about my past love and his promise, and he just stopped talking. That hurt. And just now, I guess it's probably because I accidentally disabled my Internet, but when Simon was getting off for supper, he didn't say I love you back. But even though I did send it before my Internet cable got unplugged, he still could have sent it. I guess it's my fault. I don't know. We barely talk anymore. We talked a lot before, before he went away for two weeks. I nearly went crazy those two weeks. Abby came over this morning. Cory brought her and him and Matt left for Andy's. She was outside riding her four-wheeler when I went out there. She's so adorable. She has quite a few teeth now. She still isn't walking on her own. Whenever someone lets go and she's still standing, she just falls right down once she realizes that no one's there, holding her up. She's so spoiled and troublesome. Yeah, I got off earlier, after talking to Simon. I just got off, didn't say goodbye, didn't say anything. I was so upset. I took a shower and I almost cried in there. When I turned on the radio, Here Without You by 3 Doors Down was on, and I froze. I love that song, but when I was twelve, I listened to it on repeat. When I was talking to Chris. I loved him then. We met over the Internet. On a game called RuneScape. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't have trusted him, but I did. And I don't regret it. Ok, maybe I do a little. But, if it weren't for him, I don't think I'd be who I am today. He's part of the reason I'm like I am. I've just never really had good male influences in my life. My real father used to travel, then he finally settled down with his job, and he makes the people under him travel, but his job is in Indiana. So is his new wife, of three or some years. Matt is a complete asshole who drinks and smokes. Him and my mom used to fight a lot. My grandpa, Wayne (my mom's dad), died a year before I was born. We barely saw my grandpa, Charlie (Matt's stepdad). He died last year or the year before. I can't really remember. I miss my grandpa Ray. (My real dad's stepdad.) He was the best. My nickname for him was brat. He was a Christian. Hell, he probably still is. Up in Heaven. He died from a heartattack. He was put in the hospital, but they didn't think he'd recover from it, so they pulled the plug. I was out, having fun, and they pulled the plug on him. He died and I was having a party at a friend's house! I wasn't there. I didn't want to be there. I hate being in hospitals. I always think that if I get too close, I might hurt them. I feel so helpless in a hospital. The same with Grandpa Charlie, when he was in the hospital, I felt so wierd giving him a hug. Talking with him. I just couldn't do it. But my grandpa Ray! I only saw him ONCE! I miss him. I miss him so much. The same happened with my nana. (My mom's mom.) I was coming home from school and I was so happy. But when I came home, I found out that she had had a stroke and was put in the hospital. Both times, I was happy, and they were suffering! I'm tired of it. I'm tired of suffering myself. Sometimes, I just want to end my life, but then I think of the people around me. The people that truly care for me. I used to think I was staying alive for my family and friends. But now, I don't have that many friends anymore. Sure, the people that stopped talking to me, they'll call themselves my friend, but, a true friend just doesn't up and stop talking to your best friend. Last summer, me and my father got into a fight. I was crying so bad. I was packing my stuff. I told him I hated him. I told him I wanted to go home. He left. I don't know where he went to, but he left. He took a drive. Apparently he called my grandma Sue (his mom). She called me up and asked me what was going on. Saying that my dad just got off the phone with her. Sheila (my dad's wife) came up and asked me what happened. Well, I'm going to go watch a movie. Abby's in my room right now. And I want to be able to keep an eye on her. Bye.