This post is hidden. Please check "Display" below to show it on your blog page.
Jul 20th 2008, 07:44 PM
6 raters
What is the role of superficiality in a conversation? Well its fine when you are talking to people you meet down the street, paying the bill for the groceries or briefly meeting a friends overseas visiting relation. The thing that distinguishes a friend from any one of these other people is that friends also talk beyond the superficial niceties.
Prolonged conversation that ignores questions or issues broached at the time becomes pointless. I see no reason to have a superficial conversation that does not allow any discussion and in fact I often feel rather uncomfortable speaking to people in that way.General conversation can be a a type of armour and underneath you cannot be sure what that person may really be thinking because all you are doing is maintaining a perpetual acquaintance.There is an inability to be completely comfortable with that person. If a sudden trauma happens in your own or a friend's life sometimes you can feel cut off for a while but eventually there is (with true friends) a place where you share and give or receive comfort .You do not reach that place with acquaintances. Acquaintances can sometimes become friends but true friends are not that prolific.
IF this awkwardness happens with friends (or people you have counted as being so ) and remarks are made to skirt any possible área of conflict by hiding it away under mundane statements that range from the weather to whatever but never addressing possible points of convergence or dissension I would say the friendship is in trouble at that point in time .This is not a peacemaking move on the part of the one ignoring these things when it repeatedly happens despite the efforts of the other person to make it not so. It becomes pointless and awkward and makes me, personally, feel that I don't know where I am with that person - For them to ignore issues shows they do not want to invest the time or effort in the relationship to sort things out.
In certain avenues like the workplace or daily commerce, as first mentioned, superficial conversation has its place and many may have it down to a fine art. When superficiality is the only currency used there is a loss of intimacy and reality. Do some folk trade in this all the time? How terrible if your spouse only spoke to you superficially!!
I need to communicate and share how I feel and to reach a place where this may be done on both sides is part of what true friendship means to me. If that is not happening I would wonder what possible motive a person could have to appear to be a friend but not actually put time or effort or willingness to self disclosure into that relationship.
This has always been an issue close to my heart because I so often feel inept in social situations. Getting down to the "nitty gritty" means you are willing to expose yourself emotionally and even if you disagree, you do so at the very least with awareness and understanding of where you are both coming from.
Tags:
friend
conversation
superficiality
awkwardness
emotionally
self disclosure
inept
This post is hidden. Please check "Display" below to show it on your blog page.
2 Comments /
Leave Comment
Permalink
Rate this post:
