I feel that my cross is so heavy and I can't burden anymore...

I want to act like a samurai, but my weakness heart beats me...

I want to think like a philosopher, but the more things I think, the more pain I get...

I want to live like an artist, but I can't foresee my future...

Well, cos it's impossible for my family to read this article, so I want to write here first：

If there is one day in future, I can act like a echt samurai, even bleed for my life, please don't be sad for me, I know in this world only three of you will cry for me, but three of you should be happy if I can go back to heaven, be together with grandpa and grandma, it will be great.(I just want to write something to beforehand the impossible day comes, but is it impossible? Who knows...maybe God...)

Die for something meaningful...die at the perfect time, it's would be one of my dreams. And it will be great for such kind of person like me to do that...

I will act like a samurai, think like a philosopher, and live like an artist, till I find who I am, or the day comes...