 |
ICQ Users Break the Chain!
Take a look at some of the best letters & postings about the chain letter epidemic:
|
Goodtimes Will Make You Fall In Love With A Penguin
Posted by: Elven Lord (exploder@rogers.wave.ca )
Date posted: Tue Sep 9 19:37:18 US/Eastern 1997
Subject: Virii messages...ENOUGH!!!!!
Message:
Every few months on the internet, you will come across sincere warnings
about Monster Viruses that transfer through your email. Common sense tells
you that this is impossible, that a text file is just text and it can't
hurt you or your computer. But the warnings claim it can and often add "My
system administrator passed this on to me, so it must be true", statements.
You begin to doubt your technical knowledge. Don't! The warning itself , IS
the "virus": it tricks people into passing it on, endlessly. Here's how I
shall deal with it.
LAST "GOODTIMES" VIRUS WARNING. Goodtimeswill re-write your hard drive.
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that aren't
even close to your computer. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's
coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melt It will demagnetize the
strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television &
VCR and use sub-space field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid
into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on
the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead
cockroach in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys
when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets.
It will pour sugar into your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner & hotel room to your
Discover card. It will slander your grandmother. It does not matter if she
is dead or not, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
will kick your dog.
It will leave libidinous messages on your bosses voice mail in your voice! It is
insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also
a rather interesting shade of mmauve. Goodtimeswill give you Dutch Elm
disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of
Methanphedime in your bath tub and leave bacon cooking on your stove while
it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
LISTEN TO ME, GOODTIMES DOES NOT EXIST.It cannot do anything to you. But I
can. I am sending this message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends,
tell your family. If ANYONE sends me another e-mail or ICQ message about this
(or any
other virus) fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn them into a religion. I will
do things to them that would make a horsehead in their bed look like Easter
Sunday brunch.
For those paranoid people, please read this.....only be
concerned regarding actual attachments to mail, or files sent to you from
someone on ICQ, or other, that you don't know or trust. Run a damned virus
program to keep yourself safe....and don't forget to check all the
MACROS you may have/receive for apps such as WORD or EXCEL.....Quit being a
lamer, and don't send out all these useless messages....you are just
wasting other peoples bandwidth....Thank you for your time.
|
|
More Goodtimes
|
|
"The (insert name) virus will tell your heart, your achy breaky heart. It will squeeze the toothpaste in the middle and change the expiration date on the milk carton. It will mess with the color controls on your TV and make your ceiling fan wobble." - Jeffrey A. Flowers
|
Cheapskates
|
|
"Let me ask a question first. Do you pathetic losers pay for Internet service ? Secondly , Mirabilis is a fine company who has posted from the very beginning of offering their software that it is "limited time, beta software"!!! You morons act like this is some new revelation EVERY week !!! People who send chain letters defaming ICQ, THROUGH ICQ should be whipped with a barbed wire cat-o-nine tails, then dipped in a mixture of sulfur."
|
Sick and Tired
|
|
"I AM SICK AND TIRED OF CHAIN MAIL!!!! Not only do i get virus warnings, rumors of icq chargin, and stupid love chainmail, but completely useless crap, such as some loser that sat around and decided to make a bbudweiserbeer truck using lines etc. Some of this stuff would be ok if i got it once, not 10 times. But either way, the next version of icq should have a filter for spammers and chain-mailers or something along those lines."
|
Dedicated User
|
|
"Sometimes I can't get to My machine for day's. When I do the first thing I do is go to ICQ. As soon as I am logged on My task bar extends into the next neighborhood with messages, which, I llaboriouslygo through.I have to read each one in the hope of finding my regular contacts .Alas all I receive is chain mail, ICQ is going to charge and stay off ICQ on a certain day as a virus will infect the whole of civilization as we know it. For goodness sake. If ICQ were to charge and you do not want to pay, then uninstall it and use some inferior program. Whybish what is in my mind, a brilliant FREE program. Donuse it,hit the OFF button, but PLEASE, PLEASE don't annoy me. To those of us who use ICQ for what it was intended for, and utilise its potential, we will have to come up with some zapper that banishes these perpetrators to the chat programs that are full of effluent Kindest regards to all."- John Nobley
|
There is One Born Every Minute
|
|
"As a new comer to the net and more importantly Icq. I too have been sent chain mail.....no, my house didn'tburn down nor did my wife leave (DDAM IT) sorry honey :) or did my kids develop some awful disease! Nope none of that happened! I just trashed it (pretty much the same way I trash junk mail) and no malady befell me. I know some of you may find this hard to believe, but to those I say: Elvis has left the building, the Easter bunny ain't real and a politician has never taken a bribe! GET IT?! ohhh P T Barnem was right! There is "one" born every minute! :) Warmest regards, from a "forever" Icq user!" - Lea
|
Strange People
|
"I believe people new to the internet in general and icq in particular must be suffering from some new illness that eats peoples brain cells alive. Its as if I can actually see them growing more and more brain damaged as i watch them type. The most common signs of the illness comming on are the following.
- People who chat you and then are to stupid to click on the screen so you can see what they are typing.
- People who must have some kind of muscle jerks because they keep hitting the beep sound over and over.
- People who send me messages about their moms having cancer and asking me to forward there messages for them. Here is a thought if your mom is really that sick maybe you should consider spending sometime with her, cause I'm sure she would like it more than me.
- People who message me and ask me how to get online. Ummmm, these are the people that I cross the street when I see comming on the same sidewalk as me.
- People who send me pictures made out of lines in messages. Hey you! Yea you know who you are, if you put half as much time into working as you do making pictures with lines, you wouldn't have to use a 14.4 baud modem on AOL!
Lamers! Be warned if you come into contact with people displaying these symptoms contact your doctor as soon as possible and remember the stupid virus spreads through the eyes also!" - Nicholas Marroulis
|
Heaven Isn't Free
|
|
"Listen up everyone! i've just heard word that God is going to start charging for access into heaven, beginning next week (whatever week this is...it will be next week). since sending chain icq's is evil and will assure you eternal damnation... the only way we can get the word out is on here folks! The more people who respond to this topic, the more votes we have to keep heaven free! come on people...it's our duty to save the human race before this time-limited beta release (that is... earth) is gone!" - Icy Manipulator
|
I Suppose Common Sense Isn't So Common
|
Alright, folks, I've heard just about enough. I've received so many of those silly statements saying that ICQ will charge if I don't aid in passing the message to all 300,000 users, or WHATEVER the number of the day is, that I am now, right here, writing my manifesto. My personal proclamation, if you will.
Beginning this day, October 14, 1997, at 8:49 a.m. CDT, I will no longer abide these messages with my usual gritted teeth and deletion. No. From this moment on, any user who dares send ME this completely uninformed message will be stricken from my contact list and plagued by demons. (please insert chorus of 'oohs' and 'aahs' here) I don't care if you're my bestest buddy in the whole-wide world, you're going off my list, and there will be no response whatsoever to your clamorings for my undivided attention (you bunch of whiners). I've warned all my friends of this, via ICQ, with a nice little link to the Mirabilis rumor-smashing page (thanks, Mirabilis, I'm glad you care enough to help discourage these messages yourself). I think it's ridiculous that someone would believe that Mirabilis would be so unprofessional as to rely on the users to pass a charge message around. Have they EVER shown themselves to be less than the utmost in professionalism? Puh-lease, people! I suppose common sense is not so common.
I know I have to deal with stupidity in this world, so hey. Attention chain-mail/message senders: Go ahead with what you're doing, just don't send it to me. Those of us who refuse to believe in your silly superstitions and your silly lies will just look that much more intelligent. And with intelligence comes admiration. (My encouragement to the chain senders is facetious...which is under ’f’ in the dictionary) - Lithium
|
Protect Your Rights
|
|
Get out you fourth amendment-protected most basic guarantee of all your liberties and SHOOT YOUR COMPUTER BEFORE IT BANKRUPTS YOU! - Paul
|
Ludicrously at Its Finest...
|
|
ICQ will be charging for "Mass-forwarding" of messages. You will be required to pay $2.00 for everyone that you send a mass message to. Being the good lemming ICQ user that I am I have volunteered to manage the cash flow for this momentous project. Send check, money order, or cold hard cash to: Moot Cashflow Services - 101 Main St - Anchorage, Alaska - 99501 (Leave untraceable cash in brown paper bag behind drain pipe around back.) - Moot
|
Knowledge is Power
|
|
Thumbs up to all of the hard working people at ICQ, finally got that RUMOR Control Board Up and running! Like the rest of you out there, I get spammed with the usual garbage, i.e, VIRUS ALERT, ICQ WILL CHARGE, etc' etc'... Well do like me go to the source quit perpetuating what you cannot validate! Work on the premise "IF IN DOUBT, CHECK IT OUT!" Knowledge is power! - Suz
|
Some Modern User-Created Art
|
|
People who like to send me chain letters check this out then reconsider! - Nobody
|
When He Wants...
|
That's my standard reply to all spam messages that come thru icq....
When I need something from ICQ stuff - I call the CEO.When I need love - I'm looking for a woman. When I want flowers - I buy them.When I want to be warned - I go to Central Park at midnight. When I need money - I work for it.So please, please, please: don't send me this spam messages any more! - Gabby
|
Use your brains!
|
Well I have to give it to the spammers they came up with a new one. No longer am I threatened with the thought of ICQ charging for its services, but now they plan to WIPE OUT MY ACCOUNT, if, I do not forward this letter on to all my friends so they can do the same. Only the users that forward this letter will be spared the wrath of the ICQ gods.
Technically speaking...has anyone considered the branching structure of this letter after it gets forwarded 1,000,000 times. Who exactly is the final user to receive this letter? And what is his address so I can forward my letter straight to him, in fear that it might not get there in the end. After ignoring this one, just the next day, they seemed to have seen through my scheme of deleting such letters, and sent me another, new improved version.
This letter MUST BE FORWARDED to keep your account open, it reads. There is a small program attached to the letter which tracks all the people who have followed the instructions. Please erase all previous names and forward it on.
I would like to shake hands and offer my eternal undying service to the man who wrote this program. I want to learn his ways of wisdom and coding. It might be a lifetime apprenticeship, but it would be worth it to have such a power.
Please...Everybody, read the ICQ pages and then think twice when this kind of mail reaches you. The mail itself doesn't pain me as much as the thought that your brains must be eroding. So save yourselves and think about what you are doing. If you don't, you might find that one day when you try to think about something, your brain will have turned to mush from its lack of use, and then where would you be?- Mage
|
Rutamba Virus
|
|
"There is a new virus being spread thru ICQ messages, called Rutamba Knobazi Gchobum. This virus penetrates your system, causes your HD to refuse spinning, bends your CD-ROM's, turns your RAM modules into Muslims activists, brings your monitor to life, which then invades your kitchen and starts eating all your candies, and may infect your spinal cord, making you drool. Do not open messages where the words Zbari Tchumaka Zimburabu appear. Please forward." - Locksmith
|
Let's Get Serious for a Second
|
|
"I like many people have enjoyed the = FREE TRIAL = of icq's Beta version, I have been using it to its full, talking to friends & family around the world for several months now, even making new friends, swapping files, ideas, getting news from other countries well before "Reuters" or other news agencies get a hold of it. I find ICQ to be a better form of communication over such things as Email, Telnet, even my expensive web browsers. What other system do you know of that: Lets you know when the people you want to talk to are online. Lets you swap files quickly & cleanly. Lets you ignore idiots. Lets you talk to more than one person at a time (IRC style). Lets you fashion your window with the color & style of type/font that you choose. To all those who spread gossip, spam us all with chain letters about ICQ charging for its service, listen up. Perhaps the day will come when ICQ charges, perhaps it will rid us of the evil, the idiots, the lamers such as yourselves who take a perfectly good service & try to ruin it for all those who enjoy. Yes I am aware that I have an IGNORE Button, why should I have to hit it every day, sometimes 6 times a day. If you want a service to complain about, find one with faults, there are many out there (many you have to pay a lot to use too). So please, before you send anymore chain letters, before you spam everyone you can get an ICQ number for, before you spread lies or gossip about ICQ, remember the good things that you are getting for free. If ICQ decides to charge us, I will be first in line to pay. Try thinking about the lyrics in Joni Mitchels "Big Yellow Taxi" "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TILL IT'S GONE" Well, it's people like you who make it go away. Thank you ICQ for a great service. & thank you for reading this. My last comment, instead of being a lamer, spammer, gossip munger, try using the system for what its meant for. If your bored & have nothing better to do than besmearch ICQ If you feel the urge to send lame chain letters about fake Virus' or about ICQ charging, come talk to me if i'm online, I will be your therapist, perhaps show you a neat way to use this system, perhaps you would then know the reason ICQ exists and why it has over 3 million users now." - Phreeeekz1.
|
Just Sick of It
|
|
"Alright, ENOUGH!!!! I'm sick of rumors, chainletters, and the ever-present fear of *gasp* a VIRUS!!!!! Most of all, I'm sick of the fact that almost all of these messages are started by someone with a severe inability to type. If you can't type it, please don't send the message. It's bad enough I received it, but when I have to decipher what you are saying, that just PISSES ME OFF! Ok, so and so's kid ran away with some freak from ICQ, Mary's got HIV, my grandma is dying of colon cancer, God is charging for air and my dog just ate my neighbor, wanna have cyber sex? I wish they WOULD charge for ICQ - so morons like YOU will leave ME ALONE!!!!! Anybody else feel like this?" - Suzy-Q
|
Ode to Mirabilis
|
|
"Why oh why do you do you bother? Latest version is like no other. You threaten us with, Disconnection,if----- We don't send on to our brother. These home pages you never glean, You see,the answers are clearly seen. The garbage you spread, Is so widely read, Most can see through your screen. Thank God for ICQ! We don't need garbage like you. So, with a click and a song, I send you, where you belong. Adios! Good riddance and Boooo. No! You never come to these pages. You have not got the brains of us SAGES. The pea in your head, Sends messages instead, That frightens. Yet me? ENRAGES. This was spurred by a certain 4048984, ram@outer-net.com I met this person on a chat program. They were very interesting until a couple of day's afterwards when I received the first threat {complete with a Mirabilis Copyright ending. I ignored it. To my horror I received another one from a different source. I was totally infuriated when, after returning from a hard 14 hours of work, fired up and found a message from this, to put it mildly, rumourmonger. They stated that as I had not forwarded the letter, I will be cut off from ICQ within the next 72 HRS. This is, I think incideous. Message ends with Mirabilis Copyright symbol. This has made the more gullible quite scared. I have spent a great deal of time allaying their fears. even pointing them to these pages, which I may add, they have never even bothered to even go to them. At least after having read through the submissions the have been able to get the message clear. I wonder how many gullible,and there are quite a few, users have been affected. I love ICQ and it is the only mediun of this kind I use. There are other users who use ICQ exclusively and it is a shame that they are frightened off through morons like4048984. Keep your good work up. I don't care if you charge or not. I still maintain that this is the best program of its type. I have downloaded a few others and have banished them to the garbage bin where they belong. I make no apology for being long winded. I am writing in the defence of ICQ and other fair dinkum (Ausie slang) users. Once again! Many, many thanks" - John Nobley
|
ICQ Recipes
|
"Saute'd Spammers
First, open a fresh package of ICQ.
Sift through see there are no bad rumors, er, smells that is.
Next, talk to the smells from the spammers, yes, talk to them. Nicely that is, they hate this, and will try to become stronger. If they do not go away, do the following steps:
- Wash Hands
- Tear Spammers up one side and down the other, now talking with a mild haste and making gestures.
- Disinfect Hands.If smells persist, proceed to step 4.
- Now start dumping spammers into hot water, and use the foulest of language - uh - spices I mean....
When all else fails, tenderize the Spam. Begin to one by one, throw each piece of.... Spammer....for lack of better word seeing as children view the Mirabilis site, in the garbage bin.
Problem of spoiled and foul Spammers, now taken care of." - Ace of Spades
|
ICQ Commandments
|
The ICQ/Internet 10 Commandments:
Just as the 10 Commandments the Lord has given us are for our own good and guarantee a better life, so these will save alot of grief and sorrow.........
- Thou shalt not produce/forward or even READ chain-letters.
- Rumor = chain-letter.....*see above*
- Thou shalt not take ICQ's name in vain. Don't like it...don't use it. Don't slander.
- Thou shalt love, honor and cherish your hard-drive(s).....PURCHASE an anti-virus utility.
- Thou shalt visit the ICQ page religiously and without fail......http://www.icq.com/......
- Thou shalt honor and obey that which is found on said page so that thou may be blessed and that thou may chat in peace.
- Thou shalt not buy/sell or trade ICQ numbers or E-mail addresses or thou shalt surely die.
- Thou shalt not use profanity. But if thou transgress, thou shalt look it up in a dictionary first, that thou may at least SPELL IT RIGHT!!!!
- Thou shalt not accept .exe files from anyone you do not know and trust. If thou transgress, you have your punishment.
- Love, look for it. Seek it. Find it. Cherish it. But if thou seek it on the net, be weary. Thou might fall in love with a penguin. p.s. Get a life.
|
|
|
Message Boards
Chat Rooms
IrCQ-Net Chat
Interest Groups
User Lists
ICQ Rings
People Search